Abusive Men & Relationships

Have you all been watching the TV or reading on the web about what’s been happening with Rhinna and her boyfriend/spouse and his abusive behavior towards her. The reason I bring this subject to light is again here we are in a very public world, where in the media—like Oprah, Dr. Phil in the next coming day’s they will be discussing why women like Rhinna will take back the husband/boyfriend after he has reportedly beaten her. It isn’t a question of why can’t she leave or that she won’t leave. What society still doesn’t get that’s not that she can’t or won’t leave him, it’s that she’s terrified to leave him. I know I was in a very abusive relationship—and my family asked the same question why didn’t I just leave or call the police and report his abusive behavior—sometimes when you call the police and they arrest him, because in some States if you rent or own a house with a spouse or even a boyfriend if his name is on the lease—he has just much right to be in the apt as the woman does, especially even after he gets out of jail.
The police can ask him to leave or see if the woman wants to leave, but with the man there holding on to her—she won’t leave for fear that he will kill her and some women who do leave end up dead. How many of you in class think it’s just that easy for a woman to walk away from an abusive relationship! Let me tell you for experience it’s not that easy—for one he has manipulated her into believing that without him, no one in this world will ever want her and he’s got her believing that she can’t survive without him and that no one but him loves her and if she’d just not do the things he asked her to do he’d never have to hit her. He’s convinced her that it’s her fault and she’s bought into it and she’ll be the first to apologize after he’s hit her and he never will say he’s sorry—what he will say is if you’d just done the dishes, or had dinner on the table when it got home-I wouldn’t had to hit you!
She also believes that if she’d only done what was asked instead of talking back to him or if she’d just not started a confrontation with him, he’d never hit her. Women who are in a abusive relationships walk around on pins & needles—sort of like on egg shells feeling around the men they live with, and we are afraid of opening our mouths to say anything for fear of being berated or beaten within an inch of our lives. Two if he hasn’t already tried to kill her, he will try to do it and sometimes succeed if she does leave him. As in my case all these things occurred my ex-spouse not only tried once but three times to kill me and on the third try was arrested for the last time before he was due to go to trial for attempted murder he fled the state, he was finally caught and now sits in a prison, he got 25 to life and I believe he has to serve a 25 years before his eligible for parole.
I guess what just pisses me off most is that society as a whole thinks it just that simple—all a woman has to do it leave, in reality it really isn’t that simple at all—it’s more complicated than that. What some people in our society don’t understand is that—the physical abuse doesn’t initially start with the hitting—it starts with the verbal abuse and then escalates to the physical abuse.

So girls if you’re in a relationship with a guy and he hits you just once-leave immediately before he really gets his hooks into and you can’t leave and what I mean by that is once he hits you and you don’t leave then you actually have given him permission at least in his mind to continue hitting you whenever he wants too! I don’t mean to imply that you have given him permission to hit but he believes you have because hit you once said he was sorry and it won’t happen again and you didn’t leave immediately—in his mind that was his go-ahead to do it again and again, whenever he fells like it—after all you won’t dare leave now! If he is talking trash and is verbally abusive—leave before he starts hitting you! Sorry about getting on my soap-box!